Ch as in Puncher and Lecher

No, the blog is not taking a violent/perverted turn! Unless you count the murder of the letter combination -ct.

Years ago, a professor at a reputed women's college in Bangalore city told me that people frequently called her a "lecherer" and that this had proved to be alternately annoying and embarrassing. I did not believe it! I thought she was exaggerating, and that she had a hyper sensitive ear for English. Fast forward ten years, and there I was, listening to someone tell me that a gentleman she had recently met only used "lecher method." She did not mean that he preyed on young girls with lascivious eyes and wandering hands! Apparently, this poor unsuspecting gentleman liked to talk a lot, and did not allow anyone to get a word in edgewise. Unfortunately, in our conversation he was hanged (and no, I really do not mean hung. Look it up, folks!) for a completely different crime.

The day I had this "lecher" conversation, another person also mentioned to me that she needed to get her car tire punchered (the erroneous usage of the word will be dealt with in a subsequent post). But it appears that even mispronunciations have a pattern. It turns out that Hinglish speakers do not like the -ct combination in words like puncture and lecture. We prefer to  substitute the combination -ch instead so puncture becomes puncher, and lecture becomes lecher.

This can prove to be incredibly confusing - particularly when people tell you that they recently met a lecherer (thought blurb: Did he feel you up or just undress you with his eyes?) or that their tire has a puncher (thought blurb: Really? Like a bouncer? How lucky! I thought only bars had bouncers on their payroll).

If someone tells you about a puncher or lecher, substitute -ch with -ct in your head and try to keep from laughing. You don't want to be the next person to be lechered or punchered!

S is for sides

No, this is not another post about backsides. Rather, this is a commentary on the peculiar affinity that Hinglish speakers seem to have for their sides. Sides are constantly referred to in daily conversation - one's own (i.e. my side) or the sides of others (his side/her side/your side).

For instance, it is not uncommon to hear someone ask if you need anything else from their side. This generally happens at the end of a long discussion during which they have presented some information at top speed. This is not a friendly offer to donate a kidney or other internal organ. More often than not, this is an offer to continue to explain you further (i.e. continue to explain to you).

Generally, this (mis)use of the word side has me itching to retort in the following vein:
a. Nothing further is required from my side (really? could have sworn all the words came out of my mouth!)
b. All the work is complete from their side (and I was under the mistaken impression that their fingers did all the typing).
c. They will get this to us from their side (I would really prefer my documents without a side of bile and other internal fluids)

Non-Hinglish speakers should just replace from your/his/her/my/their side with from you/him/her/me/them and understand that the whole sentence is just a literal translation from Hindi. mere taraf se, literally, from my side.

It is at moments like these when I am reminded of my French professor who often said, "French is not a translation of English. Don't try to think in English and then translate to French. Think in French!" If only it were that simple!

C is for Confiscate

Although 'Confiscate' is an English word, some statistics may reveal that 87% of its usage (in all forms) is on Indian soil. This may be because more things are confiscated in India than in any other country in the world. Or it just may be that the word has found a permanent place in the Hinglish language.

The other 13% includes NRIs (12%), and British men and women born before 1921 (1%). Nobody else ever seems to have anything confiscated.

Now to find a truly Hinglish word, I give to you 'Confesticate' - used interchangeably with 'Confiscate', but not found in any non-Hinglish dictionary. It really is amazing how some words can be picked-up by thousands of people in a country, and used so frequently. Everyone is certain that spell-check must be wrong to suggest 'Domesticate' as an alternative word.

G is for goggles

Recently, I've been thinking about buying a pair of sunglasses. I mentioned this to a friend, then we had the following conversation:

Friend: "Where will you be buying your goggles from?"
Me: "I'm not buying goggles. I haven't been swimming in ages."
Friend: "How is swimming related to goggles?"
Me: "Don't you wear them underwater?"
Friend: "No, you wear them in the sun."
Me: "Oh, you mean sunglasses?"
Friend: "Yes, sunglasses or goggles. What is the difference?"


Some days I wonder whether it is worth the effort to actually point out the difference, then I realize that it will probably be a waste of breath and probably cause some hurt feelings, so I hold my tongue. However, for those interested, I will explain you!

In Hinglish, the words goggles and sunglasses are often used interchangeably. When people talk to you about goggles, 9 times out of 10, they are not talking about the stuff you wear under water. "Cooling glass" or "cooling glasses," words made famous by the Vikram MC and Luda Krishna song Welcome to India are other words which may be substituted for sunglasses.

When these words are used in conversation, they are not to be confused with eye protection for adventure sports or with processes which occur in physics labs! They merely refer to the humble sunglasses.

T is for Travel

Everyone in India has a 'Native' (pronounced nate-ew). Some may choose to elaborate and call it their Native-place. The most popular holiday destination for people in India is their Native, and when they say that, they mean it is their home-town. Sometimes, you come across people who weren't born in, or may have only visited their Native once in their entire lives, but get very excited when they meet somebody else who is also from their Native. They discuss the exact location of the houses they never lived in, and give directions they can't remember to the houses they never lived in.

Natives are usually small towns or villages. If anyone every claims that their Native is a big city, they'd have a hard time convincing their audience of that. In fact, if this big city happens to be the same big city where this person was born, raised, and still lives, there is no way that anyone would believe them. It's unheard of. Where would they go on vacation?

If the most popular holiday destination is one's Native, then next in line would be 'Foreign'. People go to Foreign all the time. And they love to boast about it. Whether its Singapore or Sacramento, Toronto or Turin, Dublin or Dubai, people either seem to not be able to tell the difference, or just like the word 'Foreign'.

So the next time you see an Indian family on holiday, you should quite easily be able to tell whether they're in Foreign or in their Native by just knowing whether you're in India or not.

C is for Capturing and Clicking with Cameras

Cameras are tricky things to use in spoken Hinglish, mostly because in most contexts literal translation is sure to let you down.

"I'll click your picture!" is an overused sentence! What exactly does it mean to click a picture? Is it like clicking a mouse? Is it like pressing a button? Oh wait, it is exactly like pressing a button..on a camera, which then makes a click sound and voila, your picture has been clicked.

Click is a versatile word. It can be used in a declarative sentence, "I'll click your picture!" It can also  be used in an interrogative sentence, "Shall I click your picture?" or as an imperative sentence, "Get your picture clicked!" The last mentioned is usually (but not always) in the context of getting a studio portait of oneself for matrimonial purposes (this will be the subject of a whole other post!).


However, I guess being clicked is better than being captured so it is fortunate that the former is used more frequently than the latter.

When the word capture is used, it is generally not accompanied by any mention of a picture. The sentence may be, "She was captured in a sari." This can lead to some understandable confusion on the part of the uninformed listener because it does sound remarkably like an Indian damsel in distress was captured by some dastardly dude! Alternatively, you may be told that, "She was happy to capture him while he was sleeping." This makes it sound like some sadistic kidnapper took advantage of some poor man's exhaustion.

 A word of caution, when someone says that they want to click a picture or capture you, don't worry. All that will happen is that they will point a camera at you and shoot! The quickest way to ensure the end of the clicking and capturing is to grin and bear it. Sooner or later the activity of taking a picture, if not the use of the words, will end.

C is for cover

"Can you give me a cover?" is a perplexing question. The person asking it could seem well-protected from the elements, clothed and not in immediate need of an alibi. They will not even be holding anything that may seem in need of covering - i.e. a book, a dish or a sleeping child.

If you've ever been asked this question, here's a hint: the person is not asking for a lid, shelter, an alibi, a baby blanket, a shawl etc. A cover is the word used to replace a plastic bag/grocery bag/plastic packet.

Covers may be large or small, plain or bear logos, transparent or opaque - their only unifying factor is that fact that they (may) be plastic and have handles. So, when someone asks you for a cover, you will generally have no real clue what type of cover you should produce.

Sometimes the word cover is preceded by a defining characteristic such as plastic, large or strong. This makes it slightly easier to understand what the person requires of the cover, but still leaves you with no clue about why he wants a cover in the first place.

Ever enamored of the redundant, Hinglish speakers have begun to replace the word cover with the word carry bag. Carry bag, over-specified in case you have ever used a bag for something other than carrying, or carried many things without a bag, is used in much the same way as cover but is not only confined to plastic/disposable bags. Although descriptive enough to leaves less room for doubt about its purpose, the word still gives you no clue about what properties the desired carry bag should possess. In these situations, it is always best to check before producing one that is too big/small/thin/transparent/opaque.

I is for Idioms

Prior to actually giving you a suggestion, has anyone ever said, "Don't mind, eh (not minding will be the subject of a whole new post)? This is just loud thinking?" And have you wondered whether this means that this person has found a way to increase the volume on their thoughts without actually voicing them? I know I frequently have! I'm then tempted to ask if when they whisper about colleagues behind their backs, they call it soft thinking.

Loud thinking, for those of you who are wondering, is just another way of saying thinking aloud. The problem is that many Hinglish speakers translate back and forth between English and their mother tongues, so the nuanced difference between thinking aloud (ie vocalizing thoughts) and increasing the volume of one's thoughts (loud thinking) is often lost in translation.

Language used idiomatically often suffer from this fate because the words do not literally mean what the expression is trying to convey. For instance, 'coming along for the ride' might become 'coming for a drive' and 'all of a sudden' could become 'all on a sudden.'

Of course, literal translations also take place in reverse. So an idiom from another language might directly be translated to English. For instance, 'He's eating my head' is a frequently used idiom which is supposed to connote frustration but may connote numerous other things depending on your perspective. I think this is a literal translation of the Hindi phrase 'mera sar kha raha hai.'

Odd though it may sound, one must admit that translated idioms can add a lot of colour to conversations especially when one person is a Hinglish speaker and the other is not!

E is for enjoying

Sometimes, in response to that regulation Monday morning question, "What did you do over the weekend?" people have said to me, "We enjoyed nicely." Pre-coffee on a Monday morning, sometimes it might not even register as an odd sentence. Post-coffee, one may begin to wonder what exactly is nicely - is it a place? Is it a thing? No, it is just an adverb. And the sentence fragment you received as an answer has left you without a response.

In response to a text message saying, "What are you doing?" Hinglish speakers think a suitable response is, "We are enjoying." When told that someone is, "enjoying," the activity involved could refer to a party, a picnic, a movie, shopping, dinner with  relations, or meals (a post on this to follow). It is best not to make assumptions as to what exactly is being enjoyed since the activity itself will never be mentioned i.e. We are enjoying a wonderful meal with friends.

If you are not asking a rhetoric question, it is important to remember to ask additional questions to get an accurate idea of what the person did/is doing/will do. In response to, "We enjoyed nicely" a good follow up question might be, "where did you enjoy?" This will hopefully prompt the person to give you a location which may then allow you to ascertain what the activity was. Other follow up questions could include, "Who did you enjoy with?" and "How did you enjoy?"

Of course, follow up questions are only necessary if you really want to know the answer to the questions. If not, then you can just appreciate talking at cross purposes and enjoy nicely.

R is for Relations

The word relations in Hinglish is used in stead of the English word, relatives. So when asked if Mr. X is your relation, the real question would be a query as to whether the two of you are related.

Relations in Hinglish can be complex (...not quite the same way that 'relationships' are complicated). A man can be your brother, but you don't have to share the same parents. This is also clarified when the same person is said to be your cousin-brother. The same example may also have a specification claiming that although he is your brother, he is not your own-brother. Of course, if someone is known just as your cousin, there is a good chance that there is no known way that the two of you are related at all. These terms have been around long enough and have been used by so many generations already that Hinglish can probably stake claim the origin of the English phrase, 'brother from another mother'.

The fact that any man (usually older, but not compulsorily so) you meet even for the first time can be your uncle (and woman be called aunty- and not auntie) shows that the relations influence in Hinglish is so deep-rooted that the sense of family permeates through nearly every relationship in life. Auntys (when spoken about in general) are a group of women (usually, but not always older than the speaker) who are not only unrelated, but also not known to the speaker. When one uses the term my aunty, it represents a lady who is still unrelated, but may be known.

You may refer to your  related aunts as cahchi, kaki, mausi, amma, maami, chitti, buaa, phooi, fufi, but remember to use only the right title for the right aunt!

H is for hArmones

I remember when I just started high school, a teacher gave us a long discourse on harmones. Having been a relatively bright student, it wasn't too often that my teachers surprised or stumped me, but harmones had me completely foxed. The teacher kept saying things like, "Adolescent boys do not have a lot of control because of their harmones." I kept wondering if she meant that since adolescent boys' voices are usually cracking, they have a tenuous (at best) ability to harmonize in a choir.

The teacher finally put me out of my misery when she wrote the word on the board and it was spelled h-o-r-m-o-n-e-s. I was so relieved. Then I was convinced that harmones was just a different way to pronounce the word when it had a different meaning [such as lead (the substance) and to lead (someone up the garden path)], and that when hormones were harmful to humans, they were referred to as harmones (pun-ny, but not my brightest moment and that I freely admit).

But no, the teacher kept talking about testosterone and oestrogen and insisted on referring to them as harmones. It finally dawned on me that she meant hormones, that the word had no other meaning when pronounced harmones, and that my dear, befuddled teacher was actually a native Hinglish speaker.

What similarity is there, you might ask, between harm and hormones, and why do people persist in pronouncing them so similarly? The answer is that there is no good answer. Many people (including some Science teachers) say it that way, despite the fact that there is no logical reason for that to be the way the word is pronounced.

Depending on their mother tongue, some Hinglish speakers like to flatten vowel sounds, so an "oh" sound might become an "ah" sound in a word. So, perhaps some science student, who later went on to teach many generations of Hinglish speakers, was taught to say harmones by the sort of person who refers to forms as farms (the vowel shift will be explained in time).

If, like me, you are ever in a situation where people keep using the word harmones and you are trying to determine whether the root form of the word has anything to do with harmony or harm, save your breath! Just replace harmone with hormone and you will be all set.

S is for sitting

Sorry about the lack of blogposts recently. You see, I've not been sitting on my computer lately.

Test: Are you wondering how I'd type a  blogpost if I was sitting on my computer? If you answered yes, then you are not a Hinglish speaker.

Hinglish speakers believe that computers are sat on, not at. That this implies that a computer could be replaced with a nice, comfortable sofa does not occur to them. Also, the thought that it could prove a little inconvenient to sit on the computer when it is necessary to actually use a computer apparently does not arise. If my backside (see backsides ) is on my computer, basic things such as offing or onning the computer (see offing and onning ) will become difficult, never mind surfing the internet or using word processing software.

Computers are not the only things that can be sat on, desks also fall into this category. I have often walked into offices only to be be told that the people I want to meet are sitting on their desks. This conjures up an imagine of a group of people perched on their desks with their feet on their chairs, whiling away their time - which actually may be a better description of what they are doing.

It is also disconcerting to go to someone's house for dinner only to be told that the other guests are already sitting on the dining table (just like a whole roasted pig with an apple it its mouth a la Christmas dinner - to carve or to socialize, that is the questions)!

A tip to all non-Hinglish speakers: when faced with an unlikely seating description, replace sitting on with sitting at and see if the situation seems more probable.

O is for office

Hinglish speakers' use of the word office can make it next to impossible for their schedules to be deciphered by non-Hinglish speakers.


For instance, have you ever been told that someone is going to office? I am always tempted to ask questions like, "And where exactly will you office?" and, "For what will you office?" I suppose if "I am going to a/the shop" and, "I am going to shop" can both be correct, then it is terribly unfair that words like office have to always be preceded by an article or a possessive determiner.
 
At other times, the word may continue to be used as a noun but with an entirely different connotation. In this situation, the sentence may go something like this, "I will do it in office." And no, they do not mean that they will fight for a noble cause while serving a term as the illustrious (insert appropriate title) of some large business or country. Unlike some Presidents of the United States who, while in office, have achieved some great things, the Hinglish speaker who will do something in office means that he will complete a (mundane) task while at his/her place of work.

Sometimes, people will even tell you that they have office.  This can be used in a sentence as follows, "I cannot see you tomorrow, it is Monday so I have office." People say they have office like they have a fever or Seinfeld on DVD, but what they really mean is that they have to go to work.

The word office is clearly extremely important in the current Indian context, since almost everyone spends some time at an office, so non Hinglish speakers should remember the following things while trying to make plans around someone else's schedule:
"I'm going to office," means, "I'm going to the/my office."
"I will do it in office," means, "I will complete the task when I get to my/the office."
"I have office tomorrow," means, "I need to go to work tomorrow."

N is for names

When I was a child, it always confused me when people asked me me for my "good name," I never knew what to tell these well-meaning adults. I remember wondering whether I had a "bad name" which would be used when I'd been especially naughty. I also wondered whether it was odd that I did not have a "good name," just a regular name.

How is a good name different from any other name? Ah, that is an excellent question. You see, "good name" comes from the Hindi phrase shubh naam. It is, surprise surprise, a literal translation. Good names are usually very formal, long and dignified - not really suitable for young children. The result? Said young child, saddled with a long, formal name is often referred to by a shorter name which is usually unrelated to his "good name." To differentiate, the shorter name is called a "pet name."

Pet names were another source of confusion for me as a young child. First, because a pet name sounds very much like the type of names you call your little furry friends and second because pet names and good names are always so different. In general, people are known by their pet names at home and to friends of the family, but are known by their good names at school and professionally. When the two groups of people meet, chaos can ensue since none of the people in either camp know the person by the other name.

For instance, a cousin, who was at that time a colonel in the Indian army, called my house and identified himself by his rank and his good name. My grandmother, convinced she had never heard of the man, hung up on him to his great consternation. The situation was eventually sorted out when my cousin called and gave us his pet name. To this day, my grandmother vehemently defends herself saying she could not have been expected to know the gentleman's real name.

Despite the fact that pet names are so commonly used, it is widely acknowledged that pet names do not suffice as people's real names. So, when one introduces oneself (especially in North India) another frequently asked, name-related question is, "Is that you real name?" This does not mean they are accusing your name of being a fake Gucci in the back of a truck on the wrong side of town. They are simply trying to find out if the name you have given them is the one they will find on your college degree and your horoscope (more on this in another post).

Clearly, names - good, real or pet are a big deal in Hinglish, and are the topic of many questions. To answer these seemingly simple questions, non-Hinglish speakers should remember the following: Your good name is your given name, and you will most definitely be asked for it at the beginning of any conversation with a new person. The shorter it is, the more likely it is that people will follow that question up with, "Is that your real name?"

When you confirm that your name is both good and real, the next question may be, "What is your pet name?" Be very careful what you divulge at this point. If you tell Hinglish speakers your nickname, they will, in a misguided attempt to demonstrate their fondness for you, allow your real, good name to fade into oblivion altogether too quickly.

W is for ...uh... Marriage

The word 'wedding' does not exist in Hinglish. It is replaced by the word 'marriage'. Marriage (not the institution) is a term that has such a firm foundation, that Hinglish-speakers would stare at you blankly if you ever mentioned the word 'wedding'.

Marriage (in Hinglish) has more uses than one would imagine - as in the following examples...

Are you coming to my sister's marriage? (Will you attend my cousin's wedding?) [...an explanation fro the change from sister to cousin will follow in due course]
Have you had your marriage? (Are you married?)
When was your marriage? (When did you marry?)
Where was your marriage function? (Where was the wedding?)
Was it in a marriage hall? (...an architectural monstrosity created primarily to host a wedding or two)

You may notice that all the above examples are questions - a tribute to the efforts of unrelenting Hinglish-speakers who don't really try to hide how inquisitive they are.

B is for backsides

Some people have vegetable patches in their backsides. Other people's backsides are exclusively reserved for their dogs. Backsides may be places where unused building material is stored or where people keep their garbage until the garbage collectors arrive. In office buildings, backsides are sometimes used for parking. Backsides and front sides differ because you do not want the general public to know what your backside looks like, but your front side is generally well-maintained and for public viewing.

Confused yet? Here's a clue: we are definitely not discussing anatomical parts!

The hindi word peeche is used to refer to the back of something as well as when discussing something that is behind another. Since the there is no differentiation in the usage of the words back and behind,  Hinglish speakers almost exclusively use the word back to discuss where something is located. And, if you can have a right-side and a left-side then, in all fairness, why not a backside and a frontside also?

Sometimes, the person takes the time to qualify which backside is being discussed i.e. The generator is in the backside of the house. This sentence is decidedly less confusing as one understands that a geographical location is being discussed. Backsides of buildings, houses, rooms and cupboards are common features in everyday conversation.

However, at other times,  the word backside is not qualified.  For instance, I once heard someone say, "I have onions growing in my backside." The use of the word backside in this manner can lead to some embarrassing misinterpretations for non-Hinglish speakers.

General rule of thumb: If the word picture that comes to mind when someone uses the word backside seems completely implausible, it probably is a case of literal translation. Pause, substitute behind the house, behind the office or in my backyard for backside, depending on which seems the most suitable, and try to reassess the situation.

P is for punctuation

Sentence structure is a huge problem in spoken Hinglish, but usually less so in written Hinglish. A few years ago, many signs in Bangalore were grammatically awry in some way, but recently I've had very little luck finding poorly lettered signs.

My new source of weird signs? Auto rickshaws!

I understand that commas, colons and semi colons are complicated to use. However, full-stops and capital letters are generally easier. We practice using them for many years. I think back to English grammar lessons in the third grade when we wrote the definition of a sentence a zillion times: "A sentence is a group of words arranged to make complete sense. A sentence begins with a capital letter and ends with a full-stop." And then I wonder what the guy who wrote the words for this sign was taught about sentence structure.

Apparently a picture is worth a thousand words! In this picture, the words say it all!

F is for Fans

In common parlance, a fan can be off-ed and a person can be in the act of offing a fan. And no, the fan in question is not the type of fan that supports Manchester United, and a person who wants to 'off the fan' or is in the process of 'offing the fan' does not want to murder said supporter of ManU. Fans are not just offed, sometimes one is also given an opportunity to 'on the fan'. This is not an instruction to perform feats worthy of a three-ring circus.

The fan, referred to in these contexts, is the garden variety of ceiling fan, which plays an important role in every Indian house, especially during the summer (i.e. 9 months of the year). Use of this humble, everyday object is one of the few ways the heat can be made bearable, and it is therefore  the subject of many Hinglish sentences. Instructions regarding fan-usage given by a Hinglish speaker to a non-Hinglish speaker can be the source of great confusion.

To clarify, requests to 'on a fan' or 'off a fan' mean that the person just wants the ceiling fan to be turned on or off. When given this instruction, look at the fan in the room and change its current state of rest or motion to the direct opposite.

Fan-related requests can be made more complicated when you are told to 'raise' or 'lower' the fan. These feats, which seem to require the help of an electrician and a builder, are simple requests to turn the regulator to increase or decrease the speed of the fan.

You may also be requested to 'fasten the fan', 'speed the fan' or 'increase the fan'. For queries regarding these instructions see 'raise the fan'.  Instructions to 'slow the fan' or 'decrease the fan' are similar to 'lower the fan' but are far less frequently used only because the average summer temperature in the country does not permit it.

The culprit in these fan-tastic situations? My favourite, literal translation!

E is for explanations

Literal translations are my favorite Hinglish crime. In Hinglish, people are constantly being explained. I explain you. You explain me. We explain them.

A Hinglish rookie may be forgiven for thinking we, as a nation, are in the midst of a collective existential crisis, or that our very existence is particularly confusing to those around us. But more seasoned observers know that this particular "fox pause" occurs simply because the preposition "to" does not exist as a separate word in any Indian language.

Mujhe samjhao, literally, "explain me," is an extremely common occupational hazard for your everyday literal translator.

It would be misleading to leave you with the impression that all Hinglish speakers are chronic preposition droppers. To be fair, I tell to you that some are extremely diligent about overusing prepositions in every possible way, while others look forward for substituting suitable prepositions with unsuitable ones.

L is also for Life

...in its various stages.

In Hinglish, Life does not just start at birth and end at death. A pregnant mother 'is expecting'. Expecting what? ...a boy? ...a girl? ...a child? ...Led Zeppelin to reunite? None of these. She is just expecting. This is not a shortened form of the fact that the mother (and not both parents) 'is expecting a child' (as it is supposed to mean when used in English). It is an expression to indicate 'the state of being pregnant'. This paints a picture of a woman just sitting around, waiting.

When she has finished waiting, she 'delivers.' Again, this is more like delivering someone from evil than actually giving birth to a child - at least in spoken Hinglish. What really happens, is that she has 'an issue' (pronounced e-shoe... more like a sneeze than computer footwear). This is a term that is derived from 13th century English, and died with 13th century English, but lives in modern Hinglish. This gets confusing when you meet someone for the first time, and one of their first questions they ask you is, "Do you have any issues?", or, "How many issues do you have?"

Hinglish stays with a person till after he dies. He may 'expire' (like a box of bad prunes), or he may 'pass' - not 'pass-on' or 'pass-away.'

L is for Literal Translations

A Hinglish phrase, commonly heard at offices is, "Let's sit for it" or better yet, "Let's sit ON it." This does not refer to an actual seat, the act of sitting or the desire to not participate (sit this one out).  What the person using the phrase really means is, "Let's work on it" or, "Let's have a meeting about that," or "Let's discuss the matter."

One might wonder how the phrase sit for/sit on found its way into the ever expanding Hinglish dictionary. The origin is quite clear. It is a literal translation of the Hindi phrase, "beht sakte hain?" meaning, "Can we sit?" which could be used to ask for another person's time in any of the situations mentioned above.

The problem arises because in translating sentences literally, the actual meaning is lost. Of course, this is not a problem that is unique to English. Any person learning a new language is bound to find themselves in this situation since one language will almost always be dominant. Dominant in this situation refers to the language in which one thinks and feels.

On that note. I must go do some sleep.

O is for over-regularisation

We have all been victims of the tip-of-the-tongue (TOTT) phenomenon - when you know what you want to say but just cannot recall the word. This problem is exacerbated when the language you are trying to speak is not your first or your second language. Instead of having multiple synonyms at your disposal as you would in your first language, you only have a few options. Worse still, your understanding of the word is based on a literal translation from another language. And sometimes you recall a word which essentially expresses your intent, but you cannot remember the form.

The solution? Over-regularis(z)e.

For instance, what do you say when you want a process hastened? If English is not your first language, the word hastened or a suitable synonym probably will not occur to you immediately, so then you must think of other words to express your meaning. You know that "fast" somewhat expresses what you mean, but isn't the right form. In your quest to use as few words as possible, you try to shorten "to happen faster" but can't remember how. You start to think of similar words and remember that when you add -en to a word it can sometimes be a verb - when something must be made softer, you soften it; when something must be made shorter, you shorten it. Sooo, when something must happen faster you...fasten it? The sentence comes out as, "We must fasten the process."

How does one explain that to fasten something, literally means to attach it firmly to something else and that it is not, in fact, related to speed in any way?

...and it begins with Z

When the British left, they took with them treasures, but gave India the railways. They took spices and gave cricket. They took several kingdoms, and left behind a few countries. They also took their English, and left behind 'Hinglish' (popularly the name given to a hybrid of Hindi and English, but in this case, the wreckage of the Language of the Queen).

Now, this 'Hinglish' can be found prevalent all over India - not just in the states where Hindi is the most common (... actually, the second most - after the traditional 'Hinglish') language spoken. This 'Hinglish' unifies India in a way that only a Sachin Tendulkar century can. It doesn't matter what a person's 'Mother Tongue' is (every Indian MUST have a Mother Tongue - a language that he/she literally belongs to. This can never be 'English'. No Indian would ever accept that another Indian's Mother Tongue is English.), the dialect of 'Hinglish' remains the same across the country (...soon to beat Mandarin as the most widely spoken language in the world).

A very brief example to set the ball rolling. "A" (used as an article).

In spoken Hinglish, the article, 'a' is pronounced just like the alphabet 'a'. For example, in the sentence: I saw a house, the word 'a' is pronounced "AY". As much as I would love to analyse the origins of such deviations from English, I would like to point out that this mispronunciation is one of the most common in Hinglish, and I'm fairly certain I have heard this at least once almost every day of my life.

I must now take a nap.